


change

by planetundersiege



Series: 100 Fandom Challenge [37]
Category: Wicked Hero (Webcomic)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Canon Trans Character, Character Study, Confusion, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Transphobia, Oneshot, Other, Paranoia, Smoking, Wordcount: Over 1.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:22:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28610511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/planetundersiege/pseuds/planetundersiege
Summary: Being in such a calm world without having to fight for his existence anymore freaked Adrian out, after his past.
Relationships: Roi Ravens/Adrian Wicker
Series: 100 Fandom Challenge [37]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1745629





	change

**Author's Note:**

> Okay this is based of the zine and not the webcomic. I bought it of the author at a con in 2019 because he is redoing the series.

The smoke was in the air, slowly flying towards the ceiling every time Adrian put the cigarette against his lips, inhaled, and then exhaled. The white smoke flew higher and higher, following a pattern that seemed to be both simple and complicated at the same time. And it calmed him. 

He enjoyed the taste of it, and the feeling of his lungs being filled with the smoke, the feeling of danger and rebellion against his body, saying “fuck you” to it all.

He knew it was an unhealthy habit, but fuck it. Back when he lived in his old dimension, smoking had been his only comfort in a world that didn’t acknowledge his existence, saying that he could be nothing but a female, and that Roi could be nothing other than a male, just because an old war crazy monster dictator told them so.

Before they had ended up in this dimension,  _ Frosthem _ , fighting for his right to be himself had always been on his mind as a survival mechanism, and it still felt so  _ strange _ to be in a world where everyone was included and no one questioned his gender at all. Here everyone was equal, and he didn’t have to fight for anything, his voice was already heard no matter what issue it was.

And that  _ freaked him out, _ after growing up in such an unhealthy place. But over the years, he had slowly begun to stop distrusting every new person he met, even if his paranoia still lingered sometimes. But he couldn’t exactly go to therapy, he had tried, and they could not understand his struggles in the slightest, dismissing them because they really didn’t know about oppression like he did.

So, he bottled up his feelings, and that had made him distrust so many for the longest time,  _ especially _ authority figures (which he still did, just seeing one made his spine shiver to an extreme).

Old habits die hard, a thing that was clearly visible as he held the cigarette between his fingers, ready to take another smoke.

“You know that’s slowly gonna kill you, right?”

Adrian looked up from the couch, seeing Roi standing in the hallway. They were holding a plastic bag with the local donut shop’s logo on it in one hand, a snack for them, Adrian guessed. They were pointing at the cigarette with their other, he hadn’t heard them coming home.

“Hah, like you’re one to talk.”

“Well, can you atleast smoke outside, the fire alarm can go off.”

“Fuck off, you know it never has.”

“I know, but the place smells awful.”

“Well, lucky for you I’m done with it anyway.”

Adrian inhaled one last time before putting the rest of the cigarette in the already half full ashtray on the coffee table in the middle of the living room. He then took the tv remote, turned on the tv and switched to the news channel. Roi had been gone all day, and he knew that they liked to watch the news when they got home.

They thanked him for putting the cigarette out and then sat down beside him, and then pointed at the half empty wine bottle, and the empty wine glass on the table. Adrian had been drinking quite a lot.

“Did you drink that all today?” they asked.

  
“Well, yeah, but I didn’t binge this time.” he said. “It was half a bottle, I started at like nine in the morning and now it’s five, I’m not even tipsy, promise. You know I wouldn’t be able to hack if I was.”

Roi nodded, put the donut bag away on the table, and then put one of their hands against Adrian’s back, carefully stroking it in a calming motion like they knew how Adrian liked it, it was so calming to him.

“Okay, I trust you. As long as you aren’t binging.”

“Yeah, I learned my lesson after way too many hangovers. It’s just hard to lose some of the habits you know.” he said. “No one but us understands, the people in this world don't have any kind of oppression, they have no idea what we’ve gone through in our own dimension. Here they don’t even have a word for being trans because it’s so normal and accepted. You’re simply you no matter what, male, female, nonbinary, agender, genderfluid and so on, and no one cares about your genitals. I’m so used to having to fight to be called he, and it’s so weird that everyone does it now, hell, people introduce each other stating their pronouns to not accidentally get it wrong.” he said, looking down at the floor as emotions were overwhelming him, memories of all over in his mind, both good and bad mixed into a weird cocktail he couldn’t explain. “I know I should be happy, but a part of me is still scared that we will somehow end up back there, people won’t see me as male anymore and people won’t believe you’re agender. That’s why it’s so hard, to quit smoking. Smoking was my only comfort in our old world, it made me calm when I was in a constant state of dread. I know you’re having an easier time to adjust, and that I really should have a long time ago, it’s been  _ years _ . But I still can’t.”

Roi nodded again, and Adrian saw the pain in their eyes that had appeared when he had brought up their past. At first he felt guilty, for making Roi feel guilty just because they had managed to adapt while he still hadn't, but then he felt how his partner embraced him in a long hug.

He cried, letting all pent up confusion, rage, and all the mixed feelings melt away into Roi’s shoulder, staining their shirt with his tears, while they patted their back, comforting him the best they could. It fell into a familiar routine, Roi having done this so many times before, and it was in their arms that Adrian felt the safests, old dimension or new. He loved them for it.

Yes, no matter what happened to them, Adrian could at least be sure that he had Roi by his side.


End file.
